Sorry for the long delay in updating, it's been a crazy, what, week and a half, almost two weeks? Jeez, I need to get better at setting aside time to blog. In any case, I'm still alive and I'm still working to get healthier. The biggest thing I've been striving for since I last posted is balance; working to be healthy, but also not feel like I'm depriving myself. I found out the hard way on Memorial Day that working out is great, but I need to be careful to pace myself. I joined an hour and fifteen minute group workout that morning that turned out to be very high intensity. I was exhausted after it was done, but my trainer happened to catch me as I was leaving and asked if I wanted to do our session then rather than having to come back later that afternoon. Despite feeling tired from the workout I'd just completed, I said sure because not having to drive back and forth was appealing, despite the fact I live a grand total of five minutes away from the gym. We did a fairly easy session but I went home feeling shaky and totally drained, laid down, and then promptly had to make a run for the bathroom to throw up. I was miserable. I felt like crap for the rest of the day and worst of all I didn't really feel like going to gym for the rest of that week.
The fact that I'm actually enjoying working out is awesome, but I have to be careful to not overdo it and make myself sick and discourage myself. With the heat, it takes a huge effort to get myself out the door, I don't need any other reasons to make me second guess going to the gym. I did still make it to the gym a couple times last week, but definitely not every day. And it wasn't all just lack of energy that made me choose not to go, I was really struggling with the heat and with headaches and not feeling great and I really didn't want to make myself feel worse since I do have work and classes to focus on.
But along with not being as good about working out, I also wasn't as good in my eating. I ate out
more than I should have and my choices weren't the healthiest. This is where balance comes into
play for me again. I hate food prep, I really do. I don't want to spend hours cooking and prepping food and then having to clean up the mess I've made. But that means that if I get home or start heading for home and I don't have anything prepared, it's easier to go pick something up than head home and try to scrounge together a meal. Plus if I haven't prepared breakfasts for the week or at least the next day, that means I have to get up extra early to try to fix something or if I don't, I'm trying to grab any kind of food that will last me till the end of my work shift or till I'm done with classes. So I need to work at balancing my time so that I have the time to prep meals for the week or at least for a couple days when I really need it.
But even with my lack of gym time and my less than great eating, when I weighed on Sunday, I was at 299.8. I finally dropped below 300 lbs for the first time since 2014. I was honestly in shock. I was sure that I was going to either be the same weight as the week before or have gained a pound or two. But honestly, even with my slip ups, I've still been overall eating healthier than in the past.
This week I've been much better about working out. Monday and Wednesday I had sessions with my trainer and got good workouts then. Tuesday evening I braved the Defined on Juan Tabo and attended my first Aqua Fitness class since 2014. I don't normally go to the Defined on Juan Tabo just because it's so big. There are so many people there and I find it hugely intimidating. I love the one by my house on San Mateo because it just feels smaller and more intimate, it's less imposing. But there weren't any classes there that I wanted to take on Tuesday, so it was off the one on Juan Tabo.
Getting back into the water was awesome. I've loved swimming and being in the water literally since I was a baby. I've just always been super comfortable in the water and I love the freedom it
gives me, even more so with being overweight. I love being able to do things in the water that I can't on dry land. You want me to walk around on tip toe? Sure. You want me to do jumping jacks? I can do that. You want me to give you football feet? Let's go. There's a freedom to the water. I'm not inhibited by my size, I feel almost graceful.
Granted it felt a little odd and awkward joining a class made up entirely of middle-aged and older women. I felt a tad out of place, but it was fun, other than I didn't feel like I was getting much of a workout. I took an aqua aerobics class when I was attending ENMU and I remembered it being much harder than what we did that class. But I worked to challenge myself, to really give it my all, really work to use the resistance of the water. I didn't realize that I really had gotten a workout until I got out of the pool.
For me, that's literally the worst part. In the water, I feel almost weightless, but getting out, I could feel all 300 lbs suddenly come crashing back down on my frame and my legs felt weak. It sucked. I don't think I've ever been as aware of my weight as I was getting out of that pool. There's really no way to describe it. I'd become so accustomed to lugging around all this weight that it didn't even register until I didn't have to carry it alone anymore. With the buoyancy of the water, my feet, my legs, my joints weren't having to sustain all that weight alone. But getting out, like I said, my full weight just descended on me and I was suddenly very aware of it. I plan on going to another aqua class tonight at the Defined by my house, so I'll see how this one goes and which class I like better.
Eating this week though has been a struggle again. While I haven't been eating too, too horribly, I've eaten out four times already this week which is definitely taking its toll on my wallet. This is
where the meal planning really comes in handy. But more than that, I need to work at finding restaurants that have healthier choices. I've gone out to dinner with my best friend twice this week, and both times we got sandwiches which really aren't terribly unhealthy, but I do want to find some places that truly are healthy but don't break the bank since I'm on a limited income. Tomorrow I plan on making up some snacks for the rest of this week and part of next week. As much as I don't like meal prep, I know it will take a lot of stress off of me and my wallet during the week. It's just a matter of balancing things.
This is the last day I am this fat and unhealthy. Repeat Everyday.
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